“Let your conversations be always
full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
~ Colossians 4:6
The Need for Filters
At least once per year I go down into the basement to the
air conditioning unit (I probably should do this more often!), and I pull out
the filter. It amazes me that this once
pristine white filter is now disgustingly black and dirty. It is covered with all kinds of things that
without the filter would have been blasted into the air of all of our rooms in
the house through the vents. The normal allergies we encounter in our
household would be magnified greatly without that rectangular guardian.
We all know people without filters. These are people who say what is on their
mind without first considering the content and the method they are using to
share what they are thinking. Sometimes this
is helpful, of course. There are times,
especially in environments with a repressed sense of communication or with unhealthy
co-dependent relationships when raw, blunt, and open communication is a breath
of fresh air. But even in those
settings, people whose communication disregards the feelings of others will,
over time, lose credibility. Often people
without filters are either ignored or simply tolerated. At times there are those who see people
without any filters in their communication as models to be praised. However, this praise is usually from those
who suffer from an equally unhealthy condition of passive-aggressive behavior
and therefore do not communicate difficult feelings at all. Both ends of this unhealthy communication
spectrum can be sources of ill health in communities and congregations.
Seasoned With Salt
The “seasoned with salt” kind of conversation that Scripture
calls for is a good remedy for those without filters. Salt is a preserving agent. Well-seasoned words – words that come from
those who care about the context and method of delivery – are words that help
preserve community. They come from
people who are thoughtful – literally “thought full”, thinking fully of others
as they prepare to communicate. The
words do not come out raw. Rather, they
come out well-seasoned, well thought out, in ways that not only capture the
true feelings of the speaker but also do their best to communicate clearly in
their context. Most unfiltered people
are not as healthy as they first appear.
Often they repress loads of anger only to unleash it in ill-mannered and
often unprepared ways. To the listener,
their words become the equivalent of eating under prepared food! They may politely choke down the “advice”
from an unfiltered person, but in the long run, they chose to dine
elsewhere.
Examining and
Confronting
As Christians, we are people of the truth. But, as Scripture reminds, we are to “speak
the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). When truth is absent
from our conversation, we are not really being loving, even if we are saying nice
things. When love is absent from our
conversation, we are not really fully exemplifying the truth of Jesus Christ,
even if our words present the facts accurately to some degree.
Unfiltered people should be lovingly confronted
by their community. If their defense is
something like, “I just believe in speaking truth,” or “That’s just how I am,”
we can help them recognize that though we love them as they are, their words
are harmful. Even though they are
seeking to “speak the truth,” their unfiltered methods are actually missing out
on the bigger truth of the Christian faith: Christ-likeness.
We can examine ourselves as well. Is our filter clogged with leftover dirt from
the past? If so, the truth we are trying to convey in our words may be more
clutter and even poison than we think.
Reflection, repentance, and sensitivity to God’s leadership can help
clear the filter, allowing the truth to come through clearly, giving life and a
breath of fresh air to those around us.
