The Best Advice: Sometimes It's No Advice at All

A mentor of mine in ministry shared a story with me in my first few years in the pastorate.  He shared with me about the death of his father.  He and his father were very close, and his father’s death signaled the saddest transition of his life to that point.  My friend was an experienced minister at the time of his father's final illness and passing, and had already counseled many families going through grief. But none of those experiences were helping him through this process.  During that time, he said, there were a few friends in his life – some ministers, some not – who would just call him and make a coffee or lunch appointment or would just come by his office and sit with him and listen.  Those conversations, he said, would sometimes address the grief he was feeling about his father’s death.  At other times, the interactions were minimal.  Still at other times, the conversation involved an hour or so of small talk: sports, the weather, local news, etc. 

After his father died and several months of grief and adjustment had passed, my mentor and friend sat down and began writing “thank you” notes to those who had assisted in the process: hospice workers, doctors, nurses, pall bearers, and funeral directors would all receive notes.  Then his mind turned to those who had sat with him during the days leading up to and immediately following his father’s death.  What would he say to them?  Most of those handful of friends had no insightful words or even counsel for him.  Most offered no advice or help for the grief process.  None of them were particularly close to my friend’s father, so they were not able to provide any deep reflection on the man’s life or contributions to society.  Yet, those handful of friends, according to my friend, more than any others to whom he wrote those thank you notes on that day, had been used by God to get him through that time of transition.

Incarnational Ministry

The term my friend used for this kind of ministry is “incarnational.”  It is a phrase that I had heard in ministry circles before.  But, I had never grasped the full measure of its importance as it applied to my own life.  I knew that Jesus was “God incarnate” (God in the flesh), which is where the term my friend used came from.  In ministering to others, the definition goes, we are to “incarnate” or to “make evident in our own bodies and presence” the love and compassion and presence of God in the lives of others. 

From my friend, I learned that sometimes this actually means the “presence” of God: simply being present, being near.  At that stage, I was in the middle of my formal training for ministry and was just beginning my pastoral assignment.  So, I was accumulating important knowledge of the Bible, history, theology, philosophy, pastoral counseling, and pastoral care.  These things would certainly serve me well, but they, like me, were often very “word intensive.”  In other words, my first tendency was to speak rather than to listen.  I wanted to “fix” what was broken instead of connecting with people in their brokenness so as to leave room for God’s Spirit to do the fixing that only God can do.  It is a lesson I am still learning nearly 20 years later.  

I know and practice it better now than then, but the lesson started there, when a more experienced and better trained fellow-minister reminded me that there is nothing like “just being there.”  It was a reminder that God sometimes does allow us to speak into the lives of those who are hurting, but the best words come only after we have established a consistent loving presence of friendship, hospitality, and grace.  And sometimes there are no words at all.  We have to earn the right to speak, but sometimes we never get around to the words – just the presence.  And through our presence, the God who loves us and who loves those to whom we minister is able to speak volumes: meaningful, life-changing, healing volumes to others.

The Thank You Note

So, what did my friend end up writing to those handful of friends who became incarnational ministers to him during the lowest point of his life?  What words could he share to convey what their presence meant to him?  He wrote the only thing to he could write.  To each one of them, as they went to their mailbox and opened a surprise thank you note from my friend, they read these words: “Thank you for being Jesus to me.”

The Pitfalls of "Private Religion"

John Wesley once said that to turn Christianity into a “solitary religion” is to destroy it.  Certainly Wesley did emphasize private acts of devotion, as well as the need for a “personal experience” in regard to God.  But, for Wesley, Christianity is never to be fully defined in that way.  That means that to say my religion is my own personal business and what I do publicly is separate, is completely alien to the way Wesleyans and most other historic Christian groups view the Christian faith! Indeed, it is foreign to the Bible’s own portrayal of the Christian faith. Biblical faith involves trading one kingdom (the world’s) for another (God’s).  To put it in ethical terms, to become a Christian is to trade a former way of living and valuing things for a new, Christ-centered way of living and valuing things (see I Corinthians 5:17, for instance). 

Too often we adopt the way of living and interacting reminiscent of the old gangster movies that says, “It’s not personal; it’s just business,” meaning  that my personal values will not necessarily spill over to other areas of my public/business life.  This is a common way for Christians, especially American Christians to think.  However, it is not Christian.  It does not reflect the stated desire of God to transform the “whole self” in every sphere of life into the reflection of the person and values of Jesus Christ in the world (see Romans 12:1-2, for instance).  

With the pervasive nature of media and technology today, it perhaps has never been easier to live compartmentalized lives: lives that separate our “private” religious values from other aspects of our larger existence. There are at least four areas where such compartmentalizing is prevalent today.  I discuss them below, and then I briefly address what we as Christians may do to move our private confessions of Christ into a more public display of His goodness.

Places Where it is Easy to Compartmentalize

Here are a few places where such compartmentalization is prevalent:

1. Politics: Areas of religious and non-religious political debate are the most obvious ways in which Christians can publicly distance from what they privately proclaim.  With the rise of political pundits who make millions of dollars spinning issues and creating conflicts in the political realm just to achieve power and prominence, it is no wonder that Christians find themselves torn.  The Christian politician who runs on a “family values” platform, seeking blatant appeal to religious voters, may be the same politician who, once elected, enacts legislation which neglects or mistreats those who are poor.  Media outlets – even religious ones – who claim that Christianity is about “Truth” (with a capital “T”) may blatantly spin or misrepresent the actions of someone of a different party or a different country, claiming it to be a necessity of keeping his/her favorite party in power. "It's just politics," they may argue.  "It has nothing to do with my private faith."

 

2. Business: Profits are a driving force in business.  Making profits allow businesses stay afloat and to raise employment levels.  However, when raw profit becomes the driving force, less attention is paid to utilizing business as a tool for long-term improvement of a community.  For Christians, every gift – including financial success – is to be a tool for extending the values of Jesus Christ further into the world.  Yet, when employers make selfish choices or enact practices that are harmful to their employees or to the environment, these are justified as “necessary business choices” not related to his or her “private faith.” 

3. Giving: Generosity is often viewed as a privilege that can be extended to those in need, or opted out of, based upon the “rights” of the giver.  However, this is foreign to the biblical understanding of generosity and compassion.  In the Bible, God blesses some so that they may bless others.  Furthermore, the kind of love and compassion we receive from God is viewed as something that passes through us and into the lives of those in need in much the same way that Jesus acted and taught (see the story of the Good Samaritan, for instance). Therefore, generosity is not just something we do "on the side."  Rather, it is to be front and center in our Christian walk, if we are truly walking with Christ!

4. Legalism: Jesus’ main adversary in His ministry was not necessarily an individual, a group, or a nation.  Rather, it was legalism.  Legalism occurs when an action or set of actions is elevated to a point that it replaces or hinders God’s desire for a dynamic relationship of love.  In other words, we become legalistic when we, in the words of the old adage, begin looking at sins with a telescope instead of with a mirror!  We judge others and even ourselves based upon criteria that is not used by God Himself.  Legalism separates us from the core values of Jesus Christ: love, compassion, and grace.  It allows us to feel better (temporarily) by highlighting certain sins (usually sins of another) and minimizing other sins (usually sins with which we struggle).  It is a kind of idolatry (worshiping idols or false gods instead of the  Living God), and it can cause us to act in unChristlike ways, all the while claiming to be doing our “Christian duty.”

Avoiding the Pitfalls

I suggest that we can avoid these pitfalls which separate our private confessions of faith from our public actions.  I will illustrate the possibilities with a series of “What If” questions below that correspond to the pitfalls I list above.

1. Politics: What if Christians were committed to speaking the truth in love, even if it was critical of their favorite party, gave encouragement to those who oppose them, or even risked critiquing their own country?  What if, instead of “circling the wagons” when our favorite views, political candidates, media outlets, or media personalities cross lines that are unbiblical, we instead provided gentle yet firm correction in love?  Wouldn’t this allow our loyalties to be more distinct and clear than they often are now?

2. Business: What if “bottom line” numbers became less important to us than long-term economic impact, especially among those who are underrepresented?  What if our businesses became tools to support the spreading of God’s love and power in the world, instead of places where our own control is exalted?  Wouldn’t this bring back the values to business that we complain are now sorely lacking?

3. Giving: What if we saw giving as a privilege?  In other words, what if we saw our resources as blessings that we have the opportunity to share with those in need in the name of Christ, instead of seeing what we have as our own personal treasurers to be used any way that benefits our agendas?  Wouldn’t this allow a spirit of generosity to pervade our churches and our world?

4. Legalism: What if we placed an absolute priority on sharing the love of Christ with others with no strings attached?  What if we trusted God to make people better and allowed God to make us better by making us instruments of His love and grace in the lives of others?  What if we spoke words of correction with the intent to empathize, to help, and to draw closer to others, instead of seeking to alienate, shame, and place ourselves on some sort of artificial pedestal?  Wouldn’t this allow the world to clearly see what Christ and Christians are “for” instead of always seeing what we are against?

I wonder….