How's Your Filter?

“Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” ~ Colossians 4:6

The Need for Filters

At least once per year I go down into the basement to the air conditioning unit (I probably should do this more often!), and I pull out the filter.  It amazes me that this once pristine white filter is now disgustingly black and dirty.  It is covered with all kinds of things that without the filter would have been blasted into the air of all of our rooms in the house through the vents.  The normal allergies we encounter in our household would be magnified greatly without that rectangular guardian. 

We all know people without filters.  These are people who say what is on their mind without first considering the content and the method they are using to share what they are thinking.  Sometimes this is helpful, of course.  There are times, especially in environments with a repressed sense of communication or with unhealthy co-dependent relationships when raw, blunt, and open communication is a breath of fresh air.  But even in those settings, people whose communication disregards the feelings of others will, over time, lose credibility.  Often people without filters are either ignored or simply tolerated.  At times there are those who see people without any filters in their communication as models to be praised.  However, this praise is usually from those who suffer from an equally unhealthy condition of passive-aggressive behavior and therefore do not communicate difficult feelings at all.  Both ends of this unhealthy communication spectrum can be sources of ill health in communities and congregations.

Seasoned With Salt

The “seasoned with salt” kind of conversation that Scripture calls for is a good remedy for those without filters.  Salt is a preserving agent.  Well-seasoned words – words that come from those who care about the context and method of delivery – are words that help preserve community.  They come from people who are thoughtful – literally “thought full”, thinking fully of others as they prepare to communicate.  The words do not come out raw.  Rather, they come out well-seasoned, well thought out, in ways that not only capture the true feelings of the speaker but also do their best to communicate clearly in their context.  Most unfiltered people are not as healthy as they first appear.  Often they repress loads of anger only to unleash it in ill-mannered and often unprepared ways.  To the listener, their words become the equivalent of eating under prepared food!  They may politely choke down the “advice” from an unfiltered person, but in the long run, they chose to dine elsewhere. 

Examining and Confronting

As Christians, we are people of the truth.  But, as Scripture reminds, we are to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).  When truth is absent from our conversation, we are not really being loving, even if we are saying nice things.  When love is absent from our conversation, we are not really fully exemplifying the truth of Jesus Christ, even if our words present the facts accurately to some degree.  

Unfiltered people should be lovingly confronted by their community.  If their defense is something like, “I just believe in speaking truth,” or “That’s just how I am,” we can help them recognize that though we love them as they are, their words are harmful.  Even though they are seeking to “speak the truth,” their unfiltered methods are actually missing out on the bigger truth of the Christian faith: Christ-likeness.  

We can examine ourselves as well.  Is our filter clogged with leftover dirt from the past? If so, the truth we are trying to convey in our words may be more clutter and even poison than we think.  Reflection, repentance, and sensitivity to God’s leadership can help clear the filter, allowing the truth to come through clearly, giving life and a breath of fresh air to those around us.